on the wings of angels
by peridot mousey
Summary: A love that will last forever. The end. But why did their story seem incomplete to Christian? (a typical ficcy with non-so-typical twists. read it, you won't be disappointed, I promise.)
1. Part 1 : The woman I loved is dead.

A love that will live forever. The end.  
  
There wasn't a sense of release once our story was complete. It seemed so incomplete to me. I had fulfulled her last request. I had told our story. But, something wasn't right. I stared at the pages that seemed to serve as wallpaper in my garret. I glanced over the words. I had filled so many pages with so many words, yet I felt as though something was missing. Our story was incomplete. A nagging feeling tugged upon the weary strings of my heart, and my only responce for it was to drink another glass of Absinthe. The Green Fairy could answer the questions and quell my weary feelings just as she had done through the past few months. As I reached for the all-too- familiar green bottle, a certain group of words jumped out at me. I tried to look away, to go about my business, but I could not.  
  
The woman I loved is dead.  
  
Normally those haunting words would have stabbed straight through to my soul, but today on this oddly-special day there was a different feeling. That tugging became even more persistant upon my heart. I ran a hand through my hair and contined to stare upon those words. What was this feeling inside?  
  
~*~  
  
There was a knocking upon Christian's door which should have completely disrupted his thoughts, but it was a few moments more before he responded. He turned slightly and gave the door a quizzical expression as if to ask it just who was there. Toulouse, perhaps? With hesistant, yet ultimately curious footsteps, Christian crossed his small garret and opened the door. A stunned expression danced upon Christian's face as his gaze met the unreadable one of Harold Zidler.  
  
"Forgive my unannounced visit, Christian, but it was quite important that we speak. It concerns a rather urgent matter," Harold stated; his tone matched his gaze - completely unreadable. He stood in an old suit, one Christian had often seen him in during the days of the Moulin Rouge. But, with the difficult times, Harold Zidler was a different man. There wasn't the same friendly glow in his eyes, but one tiny glimmer of hope remained - a glimmer Christian hadn't seen since the day his Diamond no longer sparkled.  
  
"If it's about your Moulin Rouge, I'm terribly sorry for any trouble I caused. I can't say I'm sorry for the matter concerning the Duke. I only wish I could have saved Satine before she... before she..." Christian stated quickly, but suddenly his words vanished. He couldn't complete his sentence. His voice cracked ever-so-slightly as though he would break down all over again.  
  
"Christian, there is no time for such nonsense. We all have our regrets. Lord knows I have so many, especially concerning my little Sparrow. But, despite my mistakes, I always told her, no matter what, that things would turn out for the best. Although it all seems so bleak, Christian, things truly have worked out for the best," Harold said softly.  
  
A mix of rage and sorrow danced in Christian eyes, "Did you come here to mock me, Zidler? I'm sorry about your Moulin Rouge, but I'll hear no more of this. I wrote our story, just as she requested. That is all I can do, Zidler. I can't restore the Moulin Rouge. I can't write another show. I can't-"  
  
"I never mentioned the Moulin Rouge. Christian, you must stop this nonsense. Although I desperately miss my theatre, that is not the matter of urgency," Harold stated.  
  
Christian paused, then questioned in a soft and nearly bitter tone, "Then what do you want of me?"  
  
"Christian, Satine is alive," Harold stated simply.  
  
At first, Christian said nothing. He turned and gazed around at the story that covered his walls. Memories of his beautiful Satine and of their eternal love danced across his mind and held him in a sweet embrace, but a cold breeze from the streets of Monmarte flew through his window and took the sweetness away. Again the words jumped out at him.  
  
The woman I loved is dead.  
  
Again the mix of rage and sorrow filled his eyes and leaked into his voice, "What kind of trick is this, Zidler? She was a wonderful actress, and I know how you encouraged her. Your act doesn't fool me, Zidler. Please, just leave. Don't do this to me. I've been tormented enough."  
  
Sympathy remained in Harold's eyes for Christian. The garret was a mess littered with empty bottles of Absinthe. The cold breeze rustled against the pages of their story. He looked upon them then back at Christian. "Satine is alive," he repeated. He paused for a moment then stated, "There is much I must tell you. Get yourself cleaned up, the carriage awaits outside. I will tell you what you must know."  
  
~*~  
  
With my beard gone and my head sober, I was beginning to feel like myself again. Something still stirred within the depths of my soul and pulled upon the strings of my heart. As I stepped inside the carriage and sat across from Harold Zidler, that persistant tugging became even more bothersome. He must have sensed my anxiousness, for at that moment he began to tell me a story - a story about a sparrow that would always fly.  
  
As he began to tell the story, I had to be taken back to that dreadful day. The memories flew upon me again, but this time the chill was not from the wind. It was the chill of death that killed the sweet embraces of my Satine. Or at least, what we had thought was death. Death had been there clutching onto her tightly, but she was too strong to give in. I should have known that. "Let her go, Christian," Harold had commanded gently, and I did. Chocolat escorted me to my garret, for they all feared the Duke would come after me. That was the last time I saw her. Her blood stained my shirt. Her gasps echoed through my mind. But never since that moment had I seen her again. Toulouse had told me of a funeral arrangement, but I couldn't bear to go. I simply couldn't go.  
  
But there was no funeral. We had screamed for a doctor, and shortly after my departure, one arrived. She was alive, but who could tell but the doctor? Those "silly costumes" could have successfully been the death of her. Breathing was hard enough without the restraints the costumes placed upon her. Her breathing then had been so weak, the untrained eye couldn't have noticed it. But, after giving Marie quick instructions to undo the backing, Satine began to breathe, still slowly and weakly, but it was breathing.  
  
Marie poured the horrid-tasting liquid down Satine's throat, but there was no response. The doctor administered another injection, but there was no response. He shook his head gravely and explained the situation as best he could. With the increased amounts of the horrid medication she had to drink in order to perform and with the restraining costumes that made breathing so painfully difficult, Satine's usual fainting spell was something much worse. "It's a coma," he explained, "It isn't surprising. Increased amounts of medicine, inability to breathe properly, too much physical activity, emotional distress, along with her usual weakness and fainting.. it all adds up."  
  
Worry, naturally, swept across the stage and rested upon all who remained. Harold had questioned what must be done, to which the doctor responded, "The situation isn't entirely bleak. As you well know, Satine is dying from the consumption - tuberculosis we call it. The only known cure is to have certain chemicals administered, bed-rest, fresh air, and minimal speech for an extended amount of time. With Satine's typical routine, she could have easily died within the week. But, this coma is like a blessing in disguise. While she is in this unconscious state, we can easily begin her treatment. There's a chance, depending upon how long she remains like this, that if she were to awaken, the tuberculosis would be cured."  
  
"If she awakens?" Zidler had questioned.  
  
~*~  
  
"There was no gurantee, of course. Sometimes people awaken within days, weeks, months, years... but sometimes not at all. With the money earned from the show, Marie and I followed the doctor's instructions and left that night to take Satine to the hospital in Grenoble. It isn't far from Monmarte. Far enough away to receive the fresh air and necessary treatments, but close enough for us not to relocate entirely," Harold said, rambling a bit to avoid the question he anticipated.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you wait until now?" Christian inquired softly, still stunned from all he had learned.  
  
"It was doubtful that she would awaken. We were trying to act on behalf of Satine's best interests. She would be devastated to know you were there each and every day holding onto a dream that wasn't meant to come true. She wanted you to write the story, not waste away in a cold hospital room beside her," Harold said gently.  
  
Christian nodded. He didn't completely agree with their desicion, but that didn't matter at the moment. He remained silent as Harold continued.  
  
"Weeks passed by, and Marie feared for the worst. The doctor said she was growing weaker, but they continued to watch over her and treat her as best they could. Then one not-so-special day, it was as though a force came over Satine and told her she had to live. Something happened to Satine that day, and we haven't the slightest idea what. But, she moved a bit that day. Her fragile body began to willingly accept the chemical treatments. Weeks turned into months, and her eyes opened. The next day, when her mind was clear and her voice, although raspy and weak, was able to speak, she asked for you," Harold said, finally able to smile.  
  
Christian stared in wonderment. For once in his life, the penniless poet had lost his words. At this Harold stated, "We were equally amazed. She will be released from the hospital soon, perhaps in a matter of days. Once she sees you, the remaining weight will surely be lifted from her shoulders."  
  
  
  
(Like it so far? I'll continue if you want. Please review and let me know. *smiles*) 


	2. Well, part of her was dead.

The woman I loved was dead. But, now she was alive again. How strange that must sound, but it was certainly the most beautiful sound I had been able to hear. How wonderful life was now Satine was back in the world. I followed Zidler through the long, white, narrow hallways and up the many staircases within the hospital. Between each step, my heart seemed to skip a beat.  
  
As we approached the half-open door, Satine's once melodic voice could be heard, but it held a dismal note. It was so soft and forlorn. I heard her saying to Marie, "Oh, I can't let Christian see me like this. Marie, he might leave... or hurt the doctor... or something. Can't I have a little makeup? Hm? Can't something be done with these silly curls? Oh Marie..."  
  
If her tone hadn't been so sad, I would have laughed. Silly Satine always cared so much about her appearance, even now. Zidler stepped inside first and motioned for me to follow. I was only able to catch a brief glimpse of Satine's face before she quickly turned away.  
  
In that moment, I saw a different woman.  
  
~*~  
  
Marie and Harold had left the room, but the awkward silence still remained. Christian wanted to scream out his thanks to the heavens for bringing his Satine back to life, but she clearly didn't hold the same degree of appreciation. He sat beside her bed timidly, unsure of what to say, for Satine kept her gaze toward the wall. But Christian could not keep silent much longer. He gently reached for her hand and held it in his own and said softly, "Satine, what's wrong?"  
  
Satine gasped at his touch. She had missed him so much, but there were so many things running through her mind that Christian, being so naive and loving, couldn't understand. She reluctantly turned to face him. Her skin was as white as the walls in the hospital and appeared to consist of the finest porcilen. Her red locks normally so shiny and lovely, were matted and without their usual glossy texture. Her lips were cold and chapped. Her arms and wrists were bruised in brilliant shades of purple and blue from all the blood taken and medication administered.  
  
But, perhaps the most dreadful thing to her appearance, the only thing the penniless poet could not accept, was that the sparkle had left her eyes. She looked upon him with the most dismal expression, for all the hope has been drained from her eyes. Her smile was clearly not there because she wanted it. She had forced it to keep Christian from running away. She had wanted him there, of course, but it was not a time for the secret kisses during the days of the Moulin Rouge.  
  
"Christian, I.." she whispered, but tears started to roll down her cheeks and a choked sob escaped her lips.  
  
Christian, without further thought, gently embraced Satine and said softly, "Oh, Satine, don't cry. Please? It'll be alright. Love overcomes all obstacles. Whatever troubles you, we'll get through it together."  
  
He released her enough to look at her still dismal eyes. "Come what may," he whispered, "Please tell me what's wrong."  
  
"But Christian," Satine replied with a faint sniffle as her tone softly turned into a saddened song, "I'd feel like a fool. Life can be cruel. I... I don't know what to do.."  
  
"I never thought you were a fool, but Darling, look at you," Christian replied with his strong yet gentle song. He touched her cheek and pushed a few of her glistening tears away, "You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight. These tears are going nowhere, Baby."  
  
"But... who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know?" she sang as though every piece of her heart was broken, "Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time? When will my reflection show who I am inside?"  
  
"You don't ever have to pretend, Satine," he said softly, his words blending back into song, "And I hope you always stay the same, 'cause there's nothing 'bout you I would change."  
  
"There's a heart that must be free to fly, that burns with a need to know the reason why," she sang pleadingly.  
  
"You could have flown away. A singing bird in an open cage who will only fly, only fly for freedom," Christian replied, but tears continued to fall from Satine's weary eyes, "And I know it aches. And your heart, it breaks. And you can only take so much."  
  
Satine sniffled again and replied softly, "If you could hear the voice in my heart it would tell you I'm afraid to be alone."  
  
As Christian continued to wipe away Satine's tears, his own heart began to break for her. He longed to know what exactly was the cause of such dismal feelings from his sparkling Diamond. "Look into my eyes," he pleaded, "You will see what you mean to me. Look into your heart, you will find there is nothing left to hide. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you."  
  
"I know, Christian, I know..." she whispered as her tears trickled down her cheeks, "but it just seems like I'm so worthless to you."  
  
"How? You could never be worthless," Christian replied.  
  
"I tried to help you... but all I could do was live," Satine murmered.  
  
"I don't understand," Christian whispered.  
  
"While I was, alseep I guess you could say, I tried to find you. I stood on top of my elephant and peered out toward your garret. It was so dark and cold. You were so sad all the time. I tried to call out to you, but you couldn't hear me. Then, on one not-so-special day, you sat down at your typewriter. You were writing our story, Christian. It was on that day I decided I would live. I was going to rush back to your garret the moment my eyes fluttered open. I was going to save you from your sadness. I was going to make everything wonderful again. But... when I awoke, I was like this," she said softly.  
  
"Like what?" he inquired.  
  
"Like... a sparrow that longs to fly, but its wings have been broken. The doctors tell me I'm cured, yet they won't allow me to do anything. They don't know how long it will be before my strength returns," she said.  
  
"I'll take care of you," he replied.  
  
"And, with all the medication and chemicals, they're convinced I'll never have children," she murmered.  
  
"We can adopt someday," he stated.  
  
"And even if I had a child, it's not likely I could truly care for one," she lamented.  
  
"We'll find a nanny," he said.  
  
"They say I have to be careful not to push myself too much... no running around or anything. I don't know how I'll ever do any sort of work," she said softly.  
  
"I'll write another book. I'll get another job. We'll be fine, Satine," he replied.  
  
"And I'm not allowed to wear silly costumes or to strain my voice," she whispered.  
  
"You won't need costumes anymore, and your voice is lovely. There's nothing to worry about," Christian said, trying to be convincing.  
  
"They say I'll never be a real actress," she stated as another tear fell.  
  
~*~  
  
It was at that moment I realized something. The woman I loved was dead. Well, a part of her was dead. The Sparkling Diamond died that night on the stage, and in her place was the true Satine. I had caught brief glimpses of this Satine. It was the true Satine I danced with that night during our poetry reading. It was the true Satine that visited me secretly. It was the true Satine that came to me in tears longing to never pretend again. It was the true Satine that sat in the hospital bed with tear-stained cheeks and a broken dream.  
  
Oh my dear Satine, how can I undo all your pain?  
  
  
  
[Hey! Thanks for reading so far. Let me take this time to thank all my reviewers so far : freaker, David, Sarah, SakeTeriyaki, karita, and She's a Star. Thanks so much; you all rock! Now, as for the medely-song-thing I used in this not-so-peachy chapter, let me give credit to all the songs I used : "Tell Him" (Celine Dion), "Stuck in a Moment" (U2), "Reflection" (Christian Aguilara), "Stay the Same" (Joey McIntyre), "Walk On" (U2), "Barcelona" (Jewel), "Everything I do" (Brandy). So, do you still like it so far? I'll continue if you'd like.) 


	3. Perhaps just the love was dead.

I wanted to undo all of Satine's pain, but all I could do was hold her in a gentle embrace. She wouldn't speak of anything else; perhaps she thought she had said too much. I had never seen Satine like this; maybe that was why she felt so miserably ashamed to talk to me about her source of discomfort.  
  
I thought, perhaps, just being there would comfort her, but clearly I was wrong. Although she had drifted off into a seemingly peaceful slumber, how was I to know of the conflict that stirred in her soul?  
  
~*~  
  
After being given strict orders to allow Satine peace and quiet to rest, Christian found himself in the hallway with Marie and Harold. There wasn't much to say in the eeriely silent hallway.  
  
"Why don't ya' try ta' sleep a li'll bit, hm?" Marie suggested softly.  
  
"But.. but what if Satine wakes up? I want to be there when she wakes up again," Christian pleaded; his words faded in-and-out as he tried to surpress a yawn.  
  
"We'll wake ya'. Now, get some rest," Marie said.  
  
Christian, although wanting to defy his body's needs and stay awake, quickly fell asleep. He leaned his head against the wall and stretched his legs out in front of the chair. Circles that held the same vibrant shades of blue and purple as Satine's blood-drained arms still remained beneath his closed eyes. It wasn't long before Satine awoke in tears again, but Christian was too enthralled by happy dreams of their enchanted future to awaken.  
  
"What's wrong, Cherub?" Harold inquired softly as he stepped into the dimly lit room.  
  
"I.. I'm afraid.." Satine stammered while pulling the blankets around her shoulders, "I'm afraid to sleep because I don't know when or if I'll wake up. I know.. I know the doctors say I'm okay, but I don't trust them. They keep.. taking things away from me. My voice. My job. My life. And perhaps even my love."  
  
"Little Strawberry, you mustn't be afraid. You need your rest, but you will wake up. Things the doctors take away are only.. temporary, but nothing will happen to your love. Christian is sleeping at the moment, and you should be too," Harold replied.  
  
"But Harold, I'm worthless to him now," Satine murmered.  
  
"How can you say that? He treats you as though you are an angel," Harold said.  
  
"An angel that has fallen into a worthless state. I'm nothing like this. You always said I was worth what someone would pay for me, but now no one would even want to pay. I'm worthless, Harold, worthless," Satine lamented.  
  
"You're wrong, Cherub. Christian would gladly pay whatever the cost is to have you. He pays you everyday with his heart, yet you don't seem so willing to accept anymore. Why do you push him away now? Because you think you're worthless?" Harold stated.  
  
In the hallway, Christian awoke and slowly stood. He took a few sleepy steps toward the door, but stopped when he heard the discussion taking place.  
  
Satine turned her gaze toward the wall, then toward the pale blue blanket that sat gently upon her. She sniffled softly and tried to hide her tears with her once glossy and lovely red curls, "I can't love him," she whispered.  
  
"Oh Satine," Harold said softly with a hint of sorrow in his tone, "you can love him. You are no longer a creature of the underworld. You are free to love. You can fly away, little Sparrow, fly, fly away."  
  
"No," Satine replied, a little too loud and cold, "I can not love Christian."  
  
A cold breeze seemed to have suddenly passed over Christian and had stolen the sweet memories of Satine's love. It was all so clear now. Perhaps that was why Satine wasn't willing to talk to him. He turned and walked down the hallway. He passed by Marie and said, "She doesn't love me..." but the comment was, perhaps, more toward himself.  
  
"Why not?" Harold inquired, startled by her sudden defiance, "I thought you loved him."  
  
"I.. I do love him; it's just that..." Satine murmered, "I.. I don't know how to show him anymore. When I was the Sparkling Diamond, all I had to do was look at him, and he knew I loved him. I was so confident then... I never had to worry with fear. But now..."  
  
She lifted her gaze from the blankets to meet Harold's sorrowful stare. As her thoughts slowly came together, her words turned into a dismal, pleading song, "I'm scared, so afraid to show I care. Will he think me weak if I tremble when I speak?"  
  
Satine sniffled softly as her worries bled into her song. "Oh, what if there's another one he's thinkin of? Maybe he's in love. I'd feel like a fool. Life can be so cruel. I don't know what to do..."  
  
"I've been there," Harold sang in reply, "with my heart out in my hand. But what you must understand, you can't let the chance to love him pass you by."  
  
"Should I..." Satine sang in a near whisper.  
  
"Tell him," Harold continued in his attempt to prevent yet another failed romance, "Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes. Reach out to him and whisper tender words so soft and sweet. Hold him close to feel his heart beat. Love will be the gift the give yourself."  
  
Satine stared at him for a moment. She started to inquire something, but he seemed to anticipate her question as he sang, "Touch him with the gentleness you feel inside. Your love can't be denied. The truth will set you free. You'll have what's meant to be - all in time, you'll see."  
  
"I love him," Satine suddenly blurted out, perhaps from being lost in song, "of that much I can be sure. I don't think I could endure if I let him walk away when I have so much to say. I'll-"  
  
"Tell him," they sang together, "Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes. Reach out to him and whisper tender words so soft and sweet. Hold him close to feel his heart beat. Love will be the gift you give yourself."  
  
With a slight hint of the sparkle that once glistened in her eyes, Satine sang with a bit more confidence, "Love is a light that surely glows in the hearts of those who know it's a steady flame that grows."  
  
"Feed the fire with all the passion, you can show," Harold sang with the voice that once filled the Moulin Rouge, "Tonight love will assume its place. This memory time can not erase. Blind faith will lead love where it has to go."  
  
"Tell him," they sang together once more, "Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes. Reach out to him and whisper tender words so soft and sweet. Hold him close to feel his heart beat. Love will be the gift you give yourself."  
  
"Never let him go..." Satine whispered.  
  
Harold smiled and peered into the hallway in hopes of awaking Christian, but to his dismay only Marie was sitting there with a forlorn expression.  
  
"He's gone, Harold," Marie murmered.  
  
"What?" Harold whispered.  
  
"He was walkin' out sayin' somethin' about Satine not lovin' him anymore," Marie said.  
  
"Oh no.." Harold murmered.  
  
Satine stared out the window and saw the horrible sight. Christian stepped into a carriage and was leaving. She suddenly burst into tears all over again.  
  
"Never let him go.." she whispered.  
  
~*~  
  
The woman I loved is dead. The woman I loved was dead. Part of the woman I loved is dead, was dead, whatever. None of it made sense anymore except for one fact. Whatever woman I loved held no such affection for me. Soon I would be back in my garret, and I would pack up my few belongings.  
  
How horrible life was now that Satine's love for me was no longer in the world.  
  
(I know that was a terribly sad chapter, but come on, it needed a little touch of drama, hm? Don't worry, it'll have a happy ending, well... maybe.  
  
So, thanks again for so many reviews! That made me so happy to see those nice little things. So thanks to SFGrl, Ami-chan, Sophia, Jeanette, SevenSparkles, QuickSilver-Fox, SparkleSatine, SparklingDiamondSatine, and anyone else who read it.  
  
The song I used in this chapter was "Tell Him" by Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.  
  
So, despite the not-so-peachy Christian events, do you still like it so far? I'd like to continue if you want. *smiles* Please review and let me know.) 


	4. What was dead?

As I stared out the window of my garret with a glass of Absinthe in my hand, my heart cried out from the agony it had suddenly endured. It wasn't so long ago when I held Satine in my arms, savoring each moment of her intoxicating presence as my heart pounded and soared. But now, I was replacing her sweetness with the bitter intoxiation of Absinthe. The Green Fairy no longer held her comforting, glittery sparkle followed by her naughty little dances. On that not-so-special night, she caused a painful song to taunt me in the background and remind me of what I really was.  
  
Never made it as a wise man  
  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'  
  
Tired of livin' like a blind man  
  
I'm sick inside without a sense of feelin'  
  
And this is how you remind me  
  
This is how you remind me  
  
Of what I really am  
  
This is how you remind me  
  
Of what I really am  
  
It was true; every blasted word that lurked around me seemed to twist the knife a little deeper into my heart. I was far from wise. I never should have left London to venture into this life. Father said I would end up wasting my life away with a can-can dancer. He failed to mention that she would break my heart. I certainly could not steal anymore of Satine's kisses. Although I enjoyed every moment I stole from the Duke, I was the reason why things went so horribly wrong. Why did I ever shout out, "Because she doesn't love you!" and allow our stolen moments be revealed? Perhaps I was blind all along. Satine clearly didn't love me; she said it herself. Without her love, I feel sick inside. Oh yes, Satine reminded me of what I really was.  
  
It's not like you to say sorry  
  
I was waiting on a different story  
  
This time I'm mistaken  
  
For handing you a heart worth breakin'  
  
I've been wrong, I've been down  
  
To the bottom of every bottle  
  
Despite words in my head  
  
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"  
  
Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no  
  
Why should Satine be sorry? It was all my fault for being foolish enough to believe. As I glanced around the room, the words of our story taunted me as well. I was hoping for a different story, a different ending. But, I was foolish and broken-hearted. Absinthe could only dull the pain so much. The Green Fairy was only so distracting. How horrible life was without Satine's love in the world.  
  
It's not like you didn't know that  
  
I said I love you and I swear I still do  
  
It must have been so bad  
  
'Cause living with me must have damn near killed you  
  
Of course I loved Satine, and I always will. I couldn't deny my feelings even though I really should have. But, perhaps she could fly away now. She would have nothing to tie her down. Harold Zidler always said that things work out for the best. As the Green Fairy's dismal background music continued to taunt me, I decided something that not-so-special night; I would leave Monmarte forever.  
  
Slowly, I removed the pages of our story from the walls of my garret, not bothering with putting them in order or treating them with any sort of care. I threw them in a bag and hoped I had all the pages. I threw away the empty Absinthe bottles and packed up my few belongings. Those were dismal days, painfully long and dismal days, but it seemed to be the best thing to do.  
  
With a suitcase in one hand and my typewriter in the other, I gave my garret one last glimpse. It was in this little home where dreams had come true, but dreaming had to end. "This is how you remind me of what I really am," I sang mournfully as I walked away.  
  
~*~  
  
The past few days had been exceptionally painful, but it was a pain that medication could not cure. Most of the time she stared out the window, desperately clinging onto the dream that, perhaps, Christian would return. But, to her dismay, he never returned. When her dismal gaze wasn't fixed upon the empty streets below, Satine was enduring the last of her chemical treatments.  
  
"You're free to fly, Chickpea. Well, with certain restraints, naturally," Harold announced.  
  
"Yes, naturally," Satine murmered. She stood in a dress of gray, accented with black here-and-there. Marie had busied herself with trying to fix the mess of red, knotted curls which caused a few extra whimpers and sniffles from Satine.  
  
"Would ya' stop with the cryin'? I slaved over your makeup, and you're goin' ta' get it all smudgy and splotchy," Marie scolded, "There, that's the best I can manage for now, Dearie. But, trust me, I don't think Christian will be noticin' how your hair is done."  
  
Satine stared in the mirror, still a bit haunted by the hopeless eyes that met her gaze. Why had her reflection become such a stranger? She studied her red locks twisted up into a loose bun atop her head with a few ringlets dangling in her face.  
  
"It's lovely, Marie," Satine stated softly.  
  
"Well, shall we be expecting you with Christian this afternoon to pick up your things?" Harold inquired.  
  
"Perhaps... if I can find him and fix things," Satine murmered.  
  
"Of course you'll find him and fix things. Ah, Cherub, things always work out for the best. Don't worry at all, little Strawberry, love is on the way on the wings of angels," Harold said.  
  
~*~  
  
I stood at the train station and stared dismally at the ticket prices. I certainly could not return to London with nothing, yet I definately did not have enough to survive anywhere else for long. Perhaps returning with nothing wouldn't be so horrible; at least in London I could try to make ammends with my Father or stay with friends until I was back upon my feet.  
  
"One ticket for London, please," I stated.  
  
"That train's been delayed, sir. It'll be around seven-o'clock before that train departs due to a derailing," the man replied.  
  
"That's.. that's fine. I'd still like a ticket," I stated.  
  
With a nod, the man took my money and handed me a ticket for London. As I went to place the ticket in my pocket, I noticed I had been given a pair by mistake. I started to return it, but then a thought crossed my mind. With the derailing, it was sure to be a sell-out trip. Perhaps I could sell this extra ticket later on and at least have a little something to return home with.  
  
With five hours to kill, I decided something - perhaps the hangover from the Absinthe's intoxication was driving me mad. I had to pay my last respects to one final place before I left it forever.  
  
~*~  
  
With hesistant footsteps, Satine stepped out of the carriage and traversed across the street to the garret. She slowly climbed the stairs and kept her gaze fixed upon Christian's door.  
  
"I'll tell him," she sang softly, "that the sun and moon rise in his eyes. I'll reach out to him and whisper tender words so soft and sweet. I'll hold him close to feel his heartbeat. Love will be the gift I give myself."  
  
She opened the door, but the only responce was the echo of its creaking. As tears rolled down her cheeks, she sang in a near whisper, "Never let him go..."  
  
(Well here's another chapter. Sad, I know, but the next one will have mush and happy stuff. The songs I used in this one were "How you remind me" by Nickelback, and, yet again, "Tell Him" by Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.  
  
Just a little note, I know that Bryan Adams orginally sang "Everything I do" because, well, I'm a Robin Hood freak too. However, I was browsing through my old Brandy CD in search of interesting lyrics for the medely, and I came across her re-make of it. Since I wasn't sure if she had changed anything, I gave her credit since that was the one I was looking at. But yes, Bryan Adams sang it first, and he rocks. *smiles*  
  
Thanks again for so many reviews! Thanks to the following people : Sarah, Isabella, Ami-chan, Brown-Eyes, She's A Star, and anyone else who read it. I love you all very much for being supportive of my little story.  
  
So... do you still like it so far? I've got some great ideas for chapter five, if you'd like for me to continue. Review and let me know. *smiles*) 


	5. The memories were far from dead.

Leaves crunched beneath my feet as I walked down the all-too-familiar path to the Moulin Rouge. I gave a quick glance to the windmill wings I had grown to love and hate. They no longer held the same glimmer, for their lights had become dim over the months and eventually burned out just like the love in Satine's heart.  
  
I stopped just outside the door and turned around as rain began to fall. It was a dismal scene. I stood with frown and a broken-heart as the rain poured all around me. After a brief moment of hesistation, I proceeded to open the door and step inside the Moulin Rouge.  
  
Although dust and bit of clutter filled the once popular theatre, memories danced all around me. I sat my suitcase and typewriter down and began to walk through the painful memories.  
  
~*~  
  
"He doesn't love me, Harold!" Satine lamented. Her red curls, wet and dripping from afternoon shower of rain, hung in her tear-stained face as she wept.  
  
"Ah, Cherub..." Harold said, trying to be comforting, yet still retaining that all-knowing gleam in his eyes, "Things-"  
  
"don't always work out for the best!" she interrupted, as another sob escaped her lips, "He's gone, Harold. I went to his garret, and he was gone!"  
  
"There, there, my little Sparrow, we will find him. Now, my Dear, I have a bit of a.. business matter to attend to," Harold stated.  
  
"A business matter?" Satine inquired with a sniffle.  
  
"Yes, yes. Don't worry, Chickpea, once it's all organized, you will be informed. You certainly don't need a nasty, old Duke to make you a star," Harold said with a grin.  
  
"Tell me, Harold. I need a bit of good news.." Satine pleaded.  
  
"When it's all taken care of, you will be the first to know. I promise, Cherub. Now.. why don't you go wander around a bit and say your goodbyes to this horrid place of nightmares, hm?" Harold suggested.  
  
Satine nodded and slowly walked out of Harold's office. He grinned as he pulled out a stack of papers and proceeded to sign his name several times.  
  
~*~  
  
Christian walked along the balcony in between the dusty red curtains and occasionally let out a lamenting sigh. So many sweet, stolen kisses were exchanged between the curtains. Slowly he descended down a section of stairs and into the balcony seats. After brushing off the bit of dust, he sat down at the table where he had sat once before - the night he saw the Sparkling Diamond for the first time. Perhaps in being so lost in his memories, he didn't notice Satine enter the main portion of the room.  
  
She walked with slow and painful steps down the isle where Christian had once returned to her with their song happily escaping his lips. She shivered slightly and pushed a few damp curls out of her face. Tears still lingered in her eyes, stinging them a bit. As she continued to walk so slowly, she softly sang in a tone both haunting and pleading, "Don't leave me in all this pain. Don't leave me out in the rain. Come back and bring my smile. Come and take these tears away. I need your arms to hold me now."  
  
Christian sighed as though he thought, perhaps, he heard Satine singing somewhere in the depths of his memories. In a heart-breaking tone, he sang, "The nights are so unkind. Bring back those nights when I held you beside me. Un-break my heart. Say you'll love me again." He stood, suddenly, and walked down another flight of stairs. He wasn't sure where this, what he assumed to be a, memory was coming from, but he longed to find it. He wanted to see his Sparkling Diamond one last time.  
  
Satine turned suddenly and stared at the balcony. To her dismay no one was there. She could have sworn she heard her wonderful penniless poet singing to her once more. She continued to walk toward the stage as she sang, "Undo this hurt you caused, when you walked out the door and walked out of my life."  
  
"Un-cry these tears," she continued, but Christian echoed her from afar, "I cried so many nights. Un-break my heart."  
  
Both were searching for each other through their lamenting song. Christian still wandered through the backstage maze as Satine finally reached the stage. Both glanced at every corner with the secret longing that the echoed voice wasn't just the result of a vivid memory.  
  
"Take back that sad word good-bye. Bring back the joy to my life," Christian sang as he continued in his persuit to capture his singing memory.  
  
"Don't leave me here with these tears. Come and kiss the pain away. I can't forget the day you left," Satine continued, as she stood upon the stage looking out at the empty, dust-covered seats.  
  
"Time is so unkind, and life is so cruel without you here beside me," he sang as he ran through sets of curtains and leftover props.  
  
With a forlorn gaze and a new set of tears falling from her eyes, she sang, "Un-break my heart. Say you'll love me again. Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life."  
  
"Un-cry these tears," Christian replied as he neared the stage, "I cried for so many nights. Un-break my heart." Suddenly Christian stumbled through the curtain-door he and Satine had appeared in during the show. He ran closer to her with tears of his own sparkling in his eyes.  
  
"Don't leave me in all this pain. Don't leave me out in the rain," Satine sang as she turned around and nearly gasped when she saw him.  
  
"Bring back the nights when I held you beside me," Christian replied.  
  
"Un-break my heart," they continued, their voices lost in the melodic symphony as they walked toward each other. "Say you'll love me again. Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life. Un-cry these tears I cried for so many, many nights. Un-break my..."  
  
"Un-break my heart," Satine sang softly as she lightly ran her hand against his tear-stained cheek. "Come back and say you love me."  
  
"Un-break my heart, sweet Darling. Without you I just can't go on," he replied, his soft tone matching hers.  
  
"Can't go on," she sang in a near whisper.  
  
Satine suddenly embraced him as their song ended and allowed her tears to fall rapidly. "I'm so sorry, Christian," she wept, "I didn't mean any of those horrible things you heard. I just... I didn't know how to prove that I loved you, because... because I'm not the Sparkling Diamond anymore... and... I didn't think you could love me like this... and... and..."  
  
"Oh Satine," Christian said softly as he held her in a comforting embrace, "I will always love you no matter what you are. You don't have to be the Sparkling Diamond anymore. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to look in the mirror and see a stranger. You're just Satine now, and I love Satine."  
  
"But... how?" she whispered as she glanced up at him.  
  
"You've been Satine all along. Beneath the glittering jewels, tempting dances, silly costumes, you've always been Satine. The Sparkling Diamond said she loved me, but remember, that was an act. It was you, the real and wonderful Satine, who loved me," Christian replied.  
  
"I.. I still do love you, Christian, come what may," she whispered.  
  
Christian smiled and gently placed a kiss upon Satine's lips - a kiss they had both been missing and wanting for so long.  
  
  
  
(There! A mostly-happy chapter! *grins* Many thanks to the following people who reviewed : karita, Sparkling Diamond Satine, Brown-Eyes, and anyone else who read.  
  
The song I used in this chapter was "Un-break my heart" by Toni Braxton. Great song, isn't it? I thought it fit perfectly with the situation.  
  
Well, I've got to think a bit about what to do in the next few chapters. I've got some ideas rolling around in my head. If you'd like to hear some of my ideas while I plot this out, IM me at WistfulPoetess or komfortPuppe. *smiles*  
  
So, do you really like it so far? I'm quite proud of this chapter. I enjoyed writing it. If you still like it, review and let me know. Thanks!) 


	6. Part 2 : So, nothing is dead?

[Okay, I have a few little things to say before I start this chapter. First of all, thanks so much for all the reviews! *smiles* You all rock sooooo much that I finally wrote another chapter for ya! I've decided to put this story in three parts. This is the beginning of part two. A few months have passed since we last left our darling little lovebirds....]  
  
  
  
The woman I loved wasn't dead. The woman I loved was quite alive, and our love could truly last forever. We had offically escaped Monmarte and the underworld, but the memories remained forever not only in our minds and hearts, but in the pages of our story.  
  
After arriving in London, we stayed in a terribly small apartment - nearly smaller than my garret, if that was possible - for a little over a month. I had a few jobs here-and-there, but Satine was supposed to remain at our "home". While I was at work, she had sorted through the pages of our story and proceeded to leave the completed piece upon the doorstep of a nearby publisher's office. She even created my pen-name, my alias - the "Duke" of Monmarte.  
  
A week or so passed by, and Satine was suddenly beaming with a child-like happiness I hadn't seen in her since the days of our secret affair behind the curtains of the Moulin Rouge. She told me she had a grand surprise in store for me, and that afternoon we met the publisher. By the time the next month came around, our story was suddenly on the shelves.  
  
All of a sudden, the London gossip consisted of "Who is the 'Duke' of Monmarte?" It seemed that so many secretly dreamed of the underworld life and of that love that would live forever, for our story was the best-seller in most of England. My life suddenly became one of fame and publicity, but where was Satine?  
  
With the success of our story, we were able to purchase a lovely house in the nicer part of London. We were invited to wonderful banquets and balls. But despite the fantasy world we were currently residing it, it seemed as though every day another piece of my dear Satine's heart shattered.  
  
~*~  
  
"Satine!" Christian called as he walked up the stairs of their beautiful home, "Satine! Where are you?"  
  
"In here," Satine replied with a wistful sigh.  
  
"And where's that?" Christian inquired as he stepped into their shared room with his usual charming smile. His blue eyes finally spotted Satine standing on the balcony. She turned for a moment to face him, but her expression was far from delighted to see him. "What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
"Oh nothing. How was your book-signing?" she asked, delibrately trying to divert him from the subject.  
  
"It was fine. We got a nice, little paycheck from it," Christian said as he stepped up behind her and tried to embrace her. But, to his dismay, she pulled away and stepped back inside. He followed with a pout. "Satine," he asked, more serious than before, "tell me what troubles you."  
  
"I'm just... tired," Satine replied, the dismal expression never leaving her face. She continued to step away from him, eventually going into the hallway.  
  
"It's something else," Christian said, following her.  
  
"It's nothing," she stated as she walked down the stairs.  
  
"Satine!" Christian exclaimed, "This is crazy! You're practically running away from me, yet you insist nothing is wrong!"  
  
Satine didn't reply; she merely stared at the floor like a scolded puppy.  
  
"What did I do? The book has done so well, I finally have the proper funding to care for you and give you the kind of life you want. Aren't you happier now? This is much nicer than that cramped apartment and-" Christian stated.  
  
"It was cramped yet filled with love. This house is empty, Christian," she said forlornly. She shook her head and ventured down the remaining stairs and slipped out the door with Christian close behind her.  
  
"I don't understand.." he murmered.  
  
"It just seems like... it's the 'Duke' of Monmarte that I live with, and he makes the house cold. Although he loves me, he sounds so much like another Duke I once knew," Satine said softly. Upon seeing Christian's puzzled expression, she said in a somewhat humerous, mocking tone, "Why doesn't the courtesan chose the Maharajah who offers a life of financial security. That's real love."  
  
"Oh Satine..." Christian murmered sorrowfully.  
  
"I know you don't mean to be like that, but... lately it seems that the success has all gone straight to your head. I miss my penniless sitar player," she said.  
  
"But, maybe... I can help to make you a star now, just like you wanted," Christian said, "I'll try not to let things get to my head. I'm still your sitar player, just not so tragically poverish. But... nothing else will change. You'll be more comfortable this way until your stardom comes around and..."  
  
Satine shook her head and placed a finger upon Christian's lips. She grinned slightly and took hold of his hand. At first she walked through the soft, green grass, but eventually it became more of a run. She sang in a soft, sweet tone, "Run, running all the time, running to the future with you right by my side."  
  
She stopped for a moment and turned to face him. She smiled coyly and continued in her slow, melodic song, "Me, I'm the one you chose. Out of all the people, you wanted me the most."  
  
Christian smiled, but suddenly Satine's expression softened into one of more sincerity, "And I'm so sorry that I've fallen. Help me up, let's keep on running. Don't let me fall out of love."  
  
As if anticipating the next part of her song, Christian held her hand and started to scroll, rather quickly, through the flowers, eventually nearing a run again as she sang, "Running, running as fast as we can. Do you think we'll make it? We're running, keep holding my hand so we don't get separated."  
  
Satine grinned and hopped onto the swing that hung from one of the trees behind their home. She stared up at Christian with an expression of pure sweetness upon her face. She smiled brightly as she sang, "Be, be the one I need. Be the one I trust most. Don't stop inspiring me."  
  
She lightly ran her fingers across Christian's hands and finally linked them in between his fingers before looking up at him again. "Sometimes it's hard to keep on running," she sang, back to a sincere tone. "We work so much to keep it going. Don't make me want to give up."  
  
Christian gently pushed Satine on the swing. As the wind pushed her glossy, red curls, she continued her song, "Running, running as fast as we can. I really hope we make it. We're running, keep holding my hand so we don't get separated."  
  
~*~  
  
Satine always knew how to mend the wounds of her heart and mine. After she sang to me, my heart wanted to soar to the top of the highest mountain and scream that I loved Satine and allow the echo to fill the world.  
  
~*~  
  
Satine again stood outside looking at the stars from her balcony view. Christian appeared behind her and gently wrapped his arms around her waist; this time she leaned into his embrace instead of fleeing from it.  
  
"I've missed you, my penniless poet," she whispered, "and wouldn't tonight be a lovely night for a poetry reading? You have such a.... wonderful talent."  
  
"Oh really?" he inquired with his charmingly mischievous grin.  
  
"Mhmm," she replied.  
  
"Well, then poetry is what you shall get," he said, still grinning as he held her close, "I'll be your dream. I'll be your wish. I'll be your... fantasy."  
  
"Go on," she whispered.  
  
"I'll be your hope. I'll be your love. I'll be," he said, then paused for a moment to think. Finally he came up with the next line and smiled, "everything that you need."  
  
Satine giggled softly, "But Christian, you already are."  
  
"I'll love you more with every breath," he continued, his tone becomming more impassioned, "truly, madly, deeply do. I will be strong. I will be faithful-"  
  
He paused and gently spun her around to face him. He looked deeply into her eyes and continued, "because I'm counting on a new beginning, a reason for living, a deeper meaning..."  
  
Satine looked at him with innocent eyes, as he sang in a soft yet a quite passion-filled tone, "I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me."  
  
Christian slowly danced with Satine upon the balcony and dipped her over just enough to clearly see the stars. "And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky," he sang then lifted her back up in order to gaze into her eyes, "I'll make a wish, send it to heaven then make you want to cry the tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainity that we're surrounded by the highest powers in lonely hours. The tears devour you."  
  
Both smiled as Christian spun her around again and sang, "I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me."  
  
As if lost in the dream, Satine closed her eyes to savor every moment. "Oh can you see it baby? You don't have to close your eyes," Christian continued as he gently placed a kiss on each of her eyelids which fluttered open the moment after and seemed to be glowing with their former diamond- like sparkle, "'cause it's standing right here before you. All that you need will surely come."  
  
Christian then placed a gentle kiss upon Satine's lips. "What a lovely poetry reading," she whispered. "I think.. I'm in a love with... my lovely, wonderful, poetic 'Duke' of Monmarte."  
  
"I thought you didn't like the 'Duke' of Monmarte," Christian said, mock- serious.  
  
"Oh, I like him.. when he's like this. I hear he has a wonderful talent with poetry," Satine replied softly.  
  
"Well then-" Christian began, but their momentary romance was suddenly interrupted.  
  
"Chrwistian! Chrwistian!" a voice called with an all-too-familiar lisp.  
  
"I guess we should go see what that's about," Satine said with a soft sigh.  
  
Christian grinned and closed the door, "Not yet, Love."  
  
(Ta da! Chapter 6 is complete! *dances* So... that was all mush. I never, ever write all mush. Hope that didn't scare anyone too much. So, it's been awhile. Does everyone still like it so far? Please review and let me know. I'll continue if you would like me too. 


End file.
